Category: Uncategorized

Because I don’t have enough going on in my life, I’ve been making greeting cards. While this may not seem all that strange, you should know that I don’t send cards to people. I think I’ve purchased only a handful of cards in my life, and those were for very specific events (“sorry, I can’t come to the funeral,” “here’s some money” and “I’m getting married”). So why would someone who doesn’t send cards to people decide to start making cards? I have no idea. It’s a little odd, but I’m having fun with it.

I started with ordinary cards. No special occasion, just wanted to make something pretty and simple. Like most of my hobbies, I have no idea what made me do this.

Then I decided to try getting a little fancy. Add more elements, some glitter, maybe some words. Pop-up cards? Interactive bits? (I see you like cards, so I put a card on your card so you can write a note to go with your note) Why not?

Then things got out of hand… accordion pop-ups, weird shapes, Christmas tree forests… the possibilities are endless.

I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m okay with that.

If you’re anything like me, you hear the words “cold cream” and think about women from back in the day slathering a thick cream on their faces and necks while sitting at their vanities with curlers in their hair. It’s a product from a bygone era. Or is it?

I keep getting ads for Ponds Cold Cream on my Facebook and Pinterest feeds, and initially I thought “How old do they think I am?” but then I thought about some of the things I search for online and … yeah, okay. But it got me to thinking – what the heck even is cold cream?

And, because I’m all about excessive amounts of research about things that don’t matter, I spent entirely too long researching the history of cold cream, the various recipes used through the ages, and why it’s still around today. So if skincare isn’t really your jam, feel free to take your leave now.

As it turns out, cold cream is believed to be invented by Galen. If you don’t know who Galen is, you’re about to. He’s the father of medicine (move over, Hippocrates), personal doctor to both the emperors and the gladiators of ancient Rome, and, I would argue, the most influential medical mind in all of antiquity. It’s because of him that bloodletting (which was common practice in some parts of Egypt and Greece from well before Galen’s time) spread to the entirety of the Roman empire. All of Europe relied on his descriptions of anatomy and physiology (from both the dissection and vivisection of monkeys and pigs – if you don’t know what vivisection is, you really don’t want to know) until the mid-1500s when human dissections became… well, not acceptable, but they happened. His influence over the theories and practice of medicine in Europe, as well as the Byzantine (eastern Europe) and Arabic worlds were seen for well over over 1400 years after his death. That’s really something.

He lived much of his life fearing and dodging poisoners and assassins because his policy was, “In order to diagnose, one must observe and reason.” Sounds simple enough, but in his day most doctors were still diagnosing their patients by cutting open a goat, because I guess that was a thing. If you can believe it, apparently he made the other doctors look like buffoons. I can’t imagine why. He also pioneered cataract surgery, using a method similar to the modern procedure (albeit less sterile and precise, so the outcomes were a bit sketchy).

If you can’t tell, I’m a big fan. Sure, he’s also probably responsible for the death of untold numbers of people (Really, Galen? Bloodletting?), but he also created “medicine” rather than the “medical” mysticism that was practiced up until his time.

Now, I wouldn’t recommend something just because Galen did it (For real, though – why did anyone think bloodletting was helpful?), but it certainly makes it more interesting. Ponds should make it part of their advertising campaign – Ponds Cold Cream: it was good enough for a Roman emperor, and now you can have it for only $11.99!

So anyway, this was not actually supposed to be a post about Galen, although I could probably talk about him longer. This is about cold cream, and why and whether it does what it claims to do.

What is it?

Cold cream is, simply put a water-in-oil (w/o) emulsion. This means that you take water, and blend it into oil until it doesn’t separate anymore. Beeswax is typically used to hold it all together (as you can imagine, oil and water aren’t too fond of each other).

Galen’s recipe used rose water, olive oil, and beeswax. His directions were to melt the wax with the oil, heat the water, and then mix it together until it cooled, became white, and did not separate. This apparently took an HOUR. Seriously. It takes an hour of continuous mixing by hand to make this stuff. I’m not doing that.

This same basic recipe was used from Galen’s time (roughly 200 A.D.) until the early 1800s. Around this time, almond oil became more common than olive oil (though I’m sure it depended where you lived), and spermaceti became a common additive. That’s something found in a sperm whale’s head that has both oil and wax qualities. And it still required excessive amounts of mixing to get everything to stay together. Obviously I’m not doing that.

In the late 1800s, the various uses of petroleum were discovered. Mineral oil and petrolatum (aka Vaseline) were found to be good replacements for the olive oil, almond oil, and spermaceti (thank god). They also extend the shelf life of the finished product, because they don’t need a preservative to stop them from going rancid. The downside – I don’t know about you, but petrolatum makes me feel slimy.

Also in the 1800s, borax was added to most cold cream recipes. This was a real game changer. It acts as a preservative, and *drum roll* chemically acts as an emulsifier. It actually helps the oil and water “stick” to each other (for lack of a better word), meaning you DON’T HAVE TO MIX IT FOR AN HOUR.

“But isn’t borax toxic?” Ehhhhhhhh, yes, but no. Like anything, the dose makes the poison. Water is toxic if you drink enough of it. I’m not talking about drowning – I mean you can literally die if you drink too much water, which is why I’m not going to chance it. Better safe than sorry. (I’m only kind of kidding there – I don’t drink water, but that’s only because I find the flavor to be nauseating. It’s a wonder I’m still alive). Borax is very toxic if you eat it undiluted (only a couple of teaspoons will kill a child – not cool), but small amounts are found in pretty much all of our food, as it’s a naturally occurring compound.

I did waaaay too much research on this topic, but basically if you keep your borax concentration under 5% it’s perfectly safe for cosmetic use, though it’s not recommended to apply it to children under 3, or on any open cuts or burns. Skin is good, bloodstream is bad.

What does it do?

So that’s cool and all, but… why? I talked in my last post about why detergent is bad for your skin. And, yes, all of your “soap” is probably partially or completely a detergent. Detergent is great for laundry and dishes, because it gets rid of ALL the oil with minimal agitation and rinsing (yay, science!), but bad for skin, because SKIN NEEDS OIL. So how can you get the dirt, excess oil, and makeup off without stripping off your protective, antibacterial, and oh-so-necessary-to-stay-healthy oil layer? Simple. With more oil.

Dirt sticks to oil. Don’t believe me? Put a thin layer of vegetable oil on a small spot on your counter and check it out the next day. I guarantee you it’ll have visible dust, while the rest of your counter will look the same as it did before. And, since oil doesn’t mix with water, you can’t just wash it off. If you can get your mits on some real soap (or go crazy and make your own), that’ll be a step in the right direction. Oooorrrr, hear me out here, you can slather your face in more oil (lightened up with some cleansing water, held together and made easy to handle by the addition of some wax), rub it in to get it to mix with your own surface oil/dirt/makeup, and then wipe it off with a tissue. Voila. Clean.

And, bonus, any excess oil from your cold cream serves as a great moisturizer. And the wax helps to lock in that moisture. So not only are you clean, you’re also moisturized and baby soft. I’ve been using mine for a couple of weeks, and I highly recommend it.

My cold cream recipe:

• 59% fractionated coconut oil
• 32% rosewater
• 8% beeswax
• 1% borax

Heat the coconut oil and the beeswax until the wax melts. Heat the water to just before boiling (you don’t want the wax to solidify when the water hits it). Mix the borax in the water until it’s dissolved. Slowly pour the borax/water into the oil/wax while whisking (or use an immersion blender if you have one). Mix until it turns white and is combined. Let it cool, and stir periodically to keep it combined and creamy. When it’s cool, feel free to add a few drops of essential oil to make it smell pretty.

So if you know anything about me, you know that I like to make stuff. If I CAN make it, I won’t (typically) buy it. It started with bread and vanilla extract, and has gotten … out of hand. It’s ok, I can admit it. My husband will routinely find a stash of something strange I purchased in bulk, and just shakes his head. He’s really more of a “Why make it when you can buy it?” kind of guy. That’s actually how I got the name for this blog. This is the all too familiar exchange:

“What is this?!? What are you doing with 5 pounds of … powdered bentonite clay?”
“… I wouldn’t worry about it.”

I’m not entirely sure WHY I started this whole obsession with doing things myself, but I really do enjoy it. There’s just something extremely satisfying about using your hands to make something new. It leaves you feeling like if civilization crumbled, you’d still be alright (not really, but you know what I mean). And while it’s not exactly budget friendly in the beginning to buy a bunch of random things in bulk, once you’ve accumulated your ingredients then you can make pretty much whatever you want for way cheaper than it is to buy at the store.

I’ve been making my own soap for a long time now, and it’s been fun to try new ingredients and recipes. The only downside is that one small batch makes multiple bars of soap. Good for the budget, but bad for finding new recipes. I can only justify having so many bars of soap in the house at a time. And, of course, I’m the only one using it because my husband claims “It doesn’t make [him] feel like a dove.”

A few months after I started making soap, I began using it to wash my hair. Trigger the “You can’t wash your hair with soap!! That’s so bad for your hair!!” people. But here’s what I’ve found from personal experience and research – soap (and I mean real soap here, not synthetic detergents) is one of the best things to use to wash hair (along with the rest of the body). Lots of people are under the impression that “lye soaps” are harsh on the skin and hair, which is why they should be avoided. What they don’t understand is that “lye soaps” (which, let’s be real here, is ALL soaps) are one of the most gentle types of cleaners. They just wash away excess dirt and oil. Synthetic detergents (even store bought bar “soaps” typically contain detergent) strip away ALL the oil. Think about it – Dawn dish soap is used to clean wildlife after an oil spill. Sure, that sounds great, but biologically it’s very, very bad (unless you’re an oil covered pelican, of course).

Oil is an essential part of how your skin (including your scalp) functions. I don’t want to get too technical for the non-medical people out there (I’ll save that for later), but your skin produces an acidic, oily substance called “sebum.” Advertisements have led us to believe that oil on skin is bad, and we need to wash it off. But here’s the kicker – the oil our skin produces is what keeps it healthy. It moisturizes our skin, keeps our hair strong and shiny, and is antibacterial. Yes, you read right, our skin’s natural oil can kill bacteria and reduce the risk of skin infections.

But what do we do? We use a synthetic detergent to strip away ALL oils from the skin, and then we “moisturize” with artificial oils, butters and waxes. But those artificial oils do NOT possess the same antibacterial properties of our natural oil, so they don’t do a very good job. In response to this, your skin goes into overdrive to produce MORE oil. It’s freaking out! You scrubbed away it’s protective layer and covered it in a weird foreign substance that doesn’t belong there! It’s going to make more oil, because that’ll teach you! So, strangely enough, the more you wash away the oil, the more oil your skin will produce as a result. So that’s fun. I’m not into conspiracy theories, but it certainly seems like a win for any company that makes soap (aka detergent).

Well, that got out of hand. Don’t get me going on soap, I guess. And yes, I WILL go into more detail (there’s more detail?) about soap in a future post. It’s kind of my thing.

What I actually wanted to say about this whole thing is that it’s a serious struggle to make these types of products for myself because, strangely enough, I know how the body works and have a background in science and medicine. You’d think that would make it easier, but the problem isn’t with me – it’s with the internet. It seems like the only people crunchy enough to make their own soaps, shampoos, deodorants, lotions, etc, are also completely ignorant of the way the body works. Most of the blogs and such dealing with these topics are run by people with ZERO knowledge of science, research methods, or general biology. Every time I find a recipe that looks great, it’s described as being “chemical free” and is proclaimed to “rid your body of toxins” and “cleanse your aura” (okay, I made that last one up).

First things first. Everything is a “chemical.” Water is a chemical. That’s just silly. And “toxins” being the root cause for all of our maladies? That’s literally on par with saying that melancholy is caused by an excess of black bile, so we need to leech you to restore the balance of the humors. It’s nonsense. Also, I’m just going to throw this out there, but just because something is “natural” or “plant based” doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Poison ivy, nightshade, and arsenic are all 100% “natural,” and I wouldn’t recommend touching any of them with a 10 foot pole. And just because something is artificial or a *gasp* synthetic “chemical” doesn’t mean that it’s bad for you. That said, if I could make everything from the original base materials (here’s a coconut, a log, and some tallow – make soap) I’d do it. But that’s just me being weird, not because I think “toxins” and “chemicals” are a problem with commercially made ingredients (or even the finished products).

So I’m kind of at a crossroads here, because on the one hand I’m stubbornly sticking to my “living off the land, do it myself” mentality, but on the other hand I’m surrounded by crazy people who don’t know what they’re talking about. It’s like I’m the only crazy hermit who’s not actually crazy. But don’t they all think that? Am I taking this too far?

The answer, of course, is no. I’m taking this just far enough. I’ll do it myself, and woe be to all the naysayers (just kidding – I hope no woe befalls any of you).

Well, we’re finally here. It’s the last day of summer break. This summer has ended on both high and low notes. Let’s start with the low notes, just to get that nonsense out of the way.

Yesterday, I walked into the living room to find the children elbow-deep in a sticky bag of marshmallows, with sugar and chewed up vanilla beans strewn across the carpet. Not a good start. Seriously, though. Why on earth would she chew on multiple vanilla beans? They do not taste good. And why pour the sugar on the floor? I walked into the room while Madeline was trying to fit a fist full of sugar into her mouth, and all she had to say to my shocked expression was “What?” Not cool. I rage-cleaned for a bit, and threw away some of their toys. It helped.

Not long after, I forgot how to walk down the stairs and thought it involved falling down several steps. As it turns out, that’s NOT how you’re supposed to do that. Now we know. I thought I broke my foot, but X-rays showed that I did NOT break my foot … recently. Wait, what? Yes, you heard right, I didn’t break my foot YESTERDAY, but apparently I have broken it in the past. Which is funny, because I broke my jaw as a child, broke my arm in college, but I’ve never broken my foot. How is that even possible? No idea. But there are bone fragments that are supposed to be attached that are definitely not where they should be, but it’s not in a spot that hurts now. You can see where they belong, but they’ve kind of rounded themselves off, so he said it looks old. I have literally no idea how or when that happened.

Apart from the mystery broken bone in my foot, I’m probably fine. I have some nerve issues going on, but hopefully it’s temporary. The outside of my foot is a little tingly, and I can’t move it very well, but it’s not because of swelling or pain – my brain is telling my foot to move and it’s doing … nothing. Weird. They think there’s some internal swelling or bruising or something that’s putting pressure on a nerve. It hurts more today, but it’s been better since I wrapped it up. Driving is kind of exhausting, since I have to lift my entire leg to move my foot on and off the pedals. So weird.

Today, I spent the morning scooping fish food out of the tank, because Madeline thought pouring half the jar in was a good idea. Cool. While I was engaged in this delightful activity, she dropped the iPad on the tile floor and shattered the screen. Such fun! Much laughter! So joy!

In better news, I finished Madeline’s backpack just in time for school. She’s ecstatic (there was a literal gasp when she saw the finished product), and I’m quite pleased with it myself. I wish I could take credit for the pattern, but I actually got it from https://www.andriedesigns.com/ , where there are a ton of awesome projects and super detailed instructions (much better explained than in any store-bought pattern). It came out perfect, and I learned some new skills!

Currently, I have bread baking for lunches tomorrow (yay!) and cinnamon rolls rising for a happy-first-day-of-school breakfast. Madeline “helped.”

We found Emmett’s glasses yesterday! They’ve been lost for a couple of months, and I found them in the couch. Who knew that all I had to do was email his teacher saying (among other things) that we lost them, and that he would probably not have them for school tomorrow. I found them literally 5 minutes after I sent her the email.

I’ve been working another job recently. It doesn’t pay much (mostly because I don’t do it very often), but I’ll take $50/week for minimal effort in my free time. It’s through a company called Rev, and I basically listen to audio that clients submit, and I type up a transcript. I’m not the fastest typist (I average 54-55 wpm), so it takes me a little longer than it should, but I’m speeding up. They pay me per minute of audio I type, so the faster I type, the more money I’ll make. It’s been fun to do something different.

And finally, I’m having feelings about Madeline going to school. It’s weird. I’ve never been one to be very emotional about things, and I was cool about Emmett starting school. Of course, he started school when he turned 3, so he wasn’t home with me for nearly as long, and he didn’t really comprehend the idea of “school” at the time. Madeline is so excited to make friends, so eager to learn, so ready to be a big girl. With Emmett, I was just sending him to another building for a few hours. Even now, he can’t tell me what he does at school, who his friends are, or what he’s learning. With Madeline, it feels like she’s actually growing up. While I’m glad to be getting her out of the house, I’m having periodic bouts of … emotions? Strange as it may be, that’s not really my thing.

So that’s what’s new with me. Here’s to a fun, educational school year, and a great many productive, quiet mornings. I’m excited.

If you haven’t noticed, my daughter is, to put it lightly, a girly-girl. I’m not sure where she gets it from *cough*my sister*cough. This would be fine if it just meant that she liked pink, ribbons, dresses, unicorns and glitter (and good grief, does she ever). However, she tends to take it a little too far.

Madeline is hyper-aware of what other people think of her. She doesn’t care if they think she’s weird, crazy, silly, or all of the above. She DOES care if people think she’s cute. She’s always asking us things like “Do I look cute?” “Do you think I’m so pretty?” “I have to wear this beautiful dress, because then everyone will love me.” Despite my consistent response of “Of course, but you’re perfect no matter what you wear” and other assurances that appearance doesn’t matter if you’re a good person, her answer is always something along the lines of, “Thanks, but do I LOOK cute?”

This is a difficult question for me to answer, because she IS cute. She’s objectively adorable. But I also want her to focus more on her other attributes, because she’s also incredibly smart for her age, with a vocabulary that’s better than most adults. She’s funny, clever, a creative problem solver, thoughtful, compassionate, and a million other things. She knows all this, but the most important thing is still her appearance. I almost wish it were a self confidence thing, because I can boost confidence, but she doesn’t doubt that she’s pretty – she knows it, and wants to show the world. I just want to show HER that, despite the fact that she’s beautiful, there are more important things to be proud of.

This child has confidence for days, but I don’t want her to be superficial. It’s a dilemma.

Well, we’re finally in the home stretch. Only one week of summer vacation left. Only one more week of near-constant fighting, bickering, and all-around sibling bothering. Actually, it hasn’t been that bad. Emmett had several weeks of ESY (extended school year – it’s summer school, but they don’t want you to call it that), and then they each had two weeks of summer camp (one week together, and one week on their own). This past week, though … ugh, they’re trying to kill me with this fighting.

One bright point, though – we’ve taught them to yell “J’ACCUSE!” when they’re calling someone out. It’s brilliant.

Emmett has spent his free time this summer building up his video gaming skills. Now, I know that playing video games isn’t necessarily something to be proud of as a parent (sure, I’d rather they spend their days outside playing), but he’s honestly getting pretty good. I figure it’s helping his coordination, fine motor skills, and problem solving skills, so I’m cool with it. And he’s so proud of himself each time he beats a level!

Madeline is starting 4K this year. Only half days, but she’s so excited! And seriously, so am I. Her teachers don’t know what they’re in for. Every day, we have to go through the countdown-to-school half a dozen times.

And, because Madeline can’t have the same backpack as anyone else (her words), I’m making her one. When we were at the fabric store, I was under strict orders to not answer any questions about what I was making. You know. Just so nobody else would get the idea to make the same backpack.

And finally, I got another part-time work-from-home job. Not a different one, just another. Because apparently I don’t have enough going on in my life. More on that later.

Happy almost-end-of-summer, everyone!

I’ve posted before about how I have a bit of crafter’s ADHD, and that hasn’t changed. I don’t know why I have such a problem with actually FINISHING things, but every time I really get going on something I feel the need to stop and do something else. Maybe I don’t want the fun to end? Maybe it’s because I can’t seem to purchase everything I need to make something before I start? Whatever it is, I have the beginnings of SO MANY PROJECTS either in my head, supplies partially or completely purchased, partially started, or almost completed.

Here’s what I’ve got going on at the moment:

Bread is rising. Cross your fingers that I actually remember to bake it. Sometimes it takes me a couple rounds of rising until it spills over the sides of the tin, followed by punching down and re-rising before I actually remember to put it in the oven.

I’m making Madeline a backpack. She starts 4K this year (yay!), and she’s so extra that no store bought backpack will do. She wants to be the ONLY girl in school with this bag, so she’s sworn me to secrecy about its appearance until school starts. Can’t have another girl getting the same idea. How embarrassing. When the woman at the fabric store asked what I was making, Madeline, queen of oversharing, shouted “SHE CAN’T TELL YOU!” So she does have SOME boundaries.

I’ve been working on a cross-stitch for… I don’t know… like 15 years? I started it in high school, and it’s still not done. But I sort of rediscovered it recently, and I’ve been plugging along. It’s huge, and I will be sure to share if I ever finish it. I’m so close to being done (if you ignore the back stitching (AKA outlining) – so. much. back stitching).

I’ve been wanting to make liquid castile soap for a while now, because I think there are probably more uses for liquid soap than bar soap (and, bonus, you don’t have to wait a month for it to dry out). I was all set to make it today, only to realize that I don’t have enough olive oil. So that’s going on the back burner until I make it to the store (assuming I remember – it took me about a year to remember to buy the special lye needed to make liquid soap, so don’t hold your breath).

I made this awesome facial toner/moisturizer recently that I will NOT post a picture of, because it looks gross. It goes on smooth, feels light and moisturizing, and smells nice. And let me just say that aloe leaves aren’t as hard to work with as I thought. Basically, cut it open, scoop out the innards, blend it up, strain out any leaf chunks or blender foam, and add an oil. I added some coconut oil. So why does it look so gross? Because aloe is liquid (and best stored in the fridge without a preservative), and coconut oil (at least the one I used) is solid. So I’ve got these weird rice-sized chunks of coconut oil floating around in a weirdly colored liquidy gel. As it turns out, aloe gel isn’t actually green. It’s a little off-putting. I also added a few drops of lavender oil, because I like the smell and I’ve heard that it soothes skin (mine needs it). The end result is a slightly gelled liquid with what I’m going to call “moisture beads” of coconut oil. That was totally my intention. Right? Right. I’ll keep working on improving my recipe. Maybe I’ll figure something out that’s actually worthy of a picture!

A long time ago – a year ago? Two years ago? – I bought some dried sarsaparilla root at the local home-brew store. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with it, but I had to have it. You get it, right? So now I’ve decided to make something with it – I picked up some birch bark (as you do), and need to get back to the home-brew store to get some licorice root. That’s all totally normal and not at all strange. My problem here is that I only seem to remember at times and days when they’re not open. It’s going to happen, though.

And finally (for now), I was going to make some cuticle cream after I realized I didn’t have enough olive oil to make the soap I wanted. I’ve been slowly accumulating the ingredients, and I have these super cute tins to put it in. And I need it, because my cuticles and nails are shot. But when I got all my materials and equipment out, I realized that my kitchen scale can’t measure accurately enough to make a small batch. So unless I want to make enough untested cuticle cream to last me for the next 5 years, I have to hold off until I have a more accurate scale. Bummer.

The kids both have summer school next week (win!), so I’m hoping to actually finish something. Wouldn’t that be nice? Wish me luck!

I know that most little kids like to play house. That’s why baby dolls, doll houses, play kitchens and kid-sized vacuums exist. Lots of little girls like to play “mommy” to their dolls, and my daughter is no different. But she’s taking it too far. Too far, I tell you!

She has cried actual tears at the thought of not knowing what her future children will be named. She has, for now, decided on Lushi and Lucia.

She talks to strangers about the mechanics of a baby growing in a mom’s tummy, and about how moms feed their babies with their breasts. She describes these things, not in terms of “this is how it happens,” but rather as “this is how it will happen with my babies.” She explains this all with visuals. I’m just glad that she keeps her pants on for the “this is where the baby comes out” part. For strangers, anyway. I’ve seen too much. This makes people understandably uncomfortable. One time, at the hardware store, she looked down her shirt and shouted out “I have two nipples to feed both my babies!”

She is on-and-off convinced that she’s going to marry her brother when she grows up, because she loves him. The concept of “love” versus “in love” is difficult to describe, and the “we don’t marry relatives” thing just doesn’t have a good enough explanation for her to fully buy it. For now, she is somewhat placated by the idea that he will still be her brother, and will be the uncle to her (future) children.

She gives long, impassioned, unprovoked monologues about where her children will live, what their rooms will look like, what rooms we will be allowed to live in when she has her babies, and the when/where/how of gestating and nursing her children. Oh, and she always calls them “my children” in the present tense. I don’t know why this is one of the weirdest parts to me, but it is.

She talks more about her future children than an actual pregnant woman. Truly.

I’ve explained that she doesn’t need to worry about any of this for at least 20 more years, but she’s pretty sure that “If I eat all my food all day and night then I’ll be bigger just like you and then I’ll have my children just like you had your children and then I’ll be a mama just like you and my children will be a boy and a girl just like you have me and my brother as a boy and a girl and we’ll all be a family and I’ll make my babies grow big in my tummy and then I’ll feed them all my milk so they can get bigger and we’ll all be big together as a family and they can just have their own rooms and I’ll make it so beautiful, and it’ll look like whatever I want ’cause I’ll be big just like you!”

Nope.

I like to go to the craft store and look at stuff that I don’t know how to do (yet). Why? Because maybe it’s not as hard as I think it is, and wouldn’t it be cool to learn something new?! That’s how I ended up with a stained glass painting kit. It was on clearance because the box was ripped! How cool is that?! Not knowing what to do with such a thing, I immediately bought a cheap 8″ x 10″ piece of plastic (my “glass”) to go with it. It was right next to the paint, and I think it was maybe a dollar.

This is the product I found at my local craft spot, but you can buy the same one on Amazon and, as a bonus, I earn a small commission at no additional cost to you if you buy it after clicking this link. All proceeds go toward supporting my crafting habit.

After an exhaustive Pinterest search, I decided to make a Disney princess picture for Madeline’s room. I found a picture of a beautiful stained glass piece made by an awesome Polish artist named Anna Danowska (shared with her permission – check out her other work here) and decided I’d do my best to duplicate it.

Because this was my very first attempt, I decided to to a trial run on some throw-away plastic and made a small …. ok, no, I thought I could finish that with a straight face, but it wasn’t happening. Being me, I jumped right in with both feet and got to work. No risk it, no biscuit.

It’s obviously not as nice looking as the original (and it looks better in person), but that’s hardly surprising considering that I was flying by the seat of my pants on this one. I’m 100% serious when I say that anyone can do this. I printed out a picture of the image I was trying to copy (in black and white), taped it behind the plastic sheet, and then just followed the super simple directions on the box of paint. That’s. It. The only “skill” required is a somewhat steady hand to apply the black – it’s in a little squeeze bottle, and you need to apply somewhat even pressure on the bottle as you smoothly move along the lines. It took a while to get the hang of it. But, when you consider that a lot of real stained glass isn’t all smooth lines and even leading (the black connector stuff), then it’s not too far off from what I was going for.

Well, that’s not much of a tutorial, but let me just say that a tutorial is not needed for this project. Just get your paint, a sheet of plastic, and a picture of what you want the finished project to look like. Go slowly, let each step dry thoroughly (it takes a day or two for the black to fully harden (it goes on thick and you do NOT want it mixing with your other colors) and then another few days for the rest of the paint to harden up), and have fun with it. Also, I don’t know why it’s called “painting,” because it’s really more like “glooping” – instead of a brush, they give you a tiny plastic spatula to scoop out the paint and dump it where you want it to go. Simple.

When you’re done, you can pick up a cheap empty frame at any place that does framing, and pop it in a window with a little suction cup and a picture hanging D-ring. So there you go. Have at it!

I know it’s only 10:30 in the morning as I type this, but I can already tell it’s going to be a great day.

I woke up this morning feeling…. awake? It’s a strange feeling, and I like it.

I taught a few classes (got lucky, and didn’t get any manic 3 or 4 year olds), and got some good feedback from the parents of one of my new students. They like me, they really like me! *swoon*

Emmett let me get him ready for school without running away. And the bus was actually early today, so we didn’t have to sit in the driveway for our usual 15 minutes while the kids telepathically dare each other to run into the road!

Madeline took a shower with me (willingly) and let me wash her hair! “Don’t I look so beautiful now, Mom? You’re pretty cute too, though.”

I’m in ZERO pain (woo!), and they recently reformulated my favorite CBD oil so it no longer tastes like deep-fried grass!

I decided that my hair was boring, so I cut off a few inches and reinstated bangs. I really don’t know why more people don’t cut their own hair. I get it if you have short hair, because it’s hard to see the back of your head, but for medium length or long hair it’s seriously easy (sorry to any readers who cut hair for a living – I’m sure you do it better than me).

I found a spray at work yesterday that promised “dewy” skin, so I bought it on impulse and now I’m positively glowing with the dewy glow of radiant skin (just kidding, but it does look nice and I haven’t broken out in a rash yet so WIN!).

And finally, I’m currently waiting on bread to rise. Laundry is in the washer. Madeline is dusting everything in sight like a tiny Cinderella (seriously – she’s singing while she dusts, she’s wearing her Cinderella princess shoes, and she couldn’t find a mouse so she’s holding her small toy dog, “Puppy Huey,” as a substitute). Dinner planning is underway (Madeline wants a rhubarb and strawberry pie for dessert – I’m excited), and nobody has cried yet.

Best. Morning. Ever.