I’m too young to be a grandma

I know that most little kids like to play house. That’s why baby dolls, doll houses, play kitchens and kid-sized vacuums exist. Lots of little girls like to play “mommy” to their dolls, and my daughter is no different. But she’s taking it too far. Too far, I tell you!

She has cried actual tears at the thought of not knowing what her future children will be named. She has, for now, decided on Lushi and Lucia.

She talks to strangers about the mechanics of a baby growing in a mom’s tummy, and about how moms feed their babies with their breasts. She describes these things, not in terms of “this is how it happens,” but rather as “this is how it will happen with my babies.” She explains this all with visuals. I’m just glad that she keeps her pants on for the “this is where the baby comes out” part. For strangers, anyway. I’ve seen too much. This makes people understandably uncomfortable. One time, at the hardware store, she looked down her shirt and shouted out “I have two nipples to feed both my babies!”

She is on-and-off convinced that she’s going to marry her brother when she grows up, because she loves him. The concept of “love” versus “in love” is difficult to describe, and the “we don’t marry relatives” thing just doesn’t have a good enough explanation for her to fully buy it. For now, she is somewhat placated by the idea that he will still be her brother, and will be the uncle to her (future) children.

She gives long, impassioned, unprovoked monologues about where her children will live, what their rooms will look like, what rooms we will be allowed to live in when she has her babies, and the when/where/how of gestating and nursing her children. Oh, and she always calls them “my children” in the present tense. I don’t know why this is one of the weirdest parts to me, but it is.

She talks more about her future children than an actual pregnant woman. Truly.

I’ve explained that she doesn’t need to worry about any of this for at least 20 more years, but she’s pretty sure that “If I eat all my food all day and night then I’ll be bigger just like you and then I’ll have my children just like you had your children and then I’ll be a mama just like you and my children will be a boy and a girl just like you have me and my brother as a boy and a girl and we’ll all be a family and I’ll make my babies grow big in my tummy and then I’ll feed them all my milk so they can get bigger and we’ll all be big together as a family and they can just have their own rooms and I’ll make it so beautiful, and it’ll look like whatever I want ’cause I’ll be big just like you!”

Nope.

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